Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) Understanding Intimate Partner Violence

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) includes any form of abuse or controlling behaviour by a current or former partner. It can involve:

Physical violence
Sexual assault
Threats and intimidation
Emotional abuse or isolation
Financial control
Technological abuse (e.g., stalking via phone or social media)

IPV can happen in any relationship, regardless of age, gender, or background. It is often a pattern of power and control rather than a one-time incident.

How Victim Services Can Help

Victim Services organizations provide safety-focused, confidential support to people affected by IPV— whether they are ready to leave, still in the relationship, or navigating the aftermath.

Support may include:

Safety planning and emergency shelter referrals
Support reporting to police or obtaining protective orders
Emotional support and trauma-informed counselling referrals
Help accessing legal support or family law advice
Referrals to transitional housing, parenting supports, or income assistance
Emergency financial aid through VQRP+ in eligible cases (e.g., to change locks, relocate, or meet basic needs)

Support is offered with care, without pressure, and at your pace.

The Cycle of Abuse

Abuse often follows a recurring pattern known as the cycle of abuse, which helps explain how abusive relationships tend to develop and repeat over time. Understanding this cycle can be a crucial step in recognizing abuse and seeking support.

Tension Building

During this phase, stress and frustration start to build between the abuser and the victim. Small arguments or disagreements may happen more frequently, and the abuser may become increasingly irritable, moody, or controlling. The victim often feels anxious, fearful, or “on edge,” trying to avoid triggering the abuser’s anger. This phase can last days, weeks, or even longer.

Extra Insights
This phase can include non-physical forms of control, like monitoring phone calls, limiting access to money, or isolating the victim from friends or family.

Victims may begin to self-regulate their behaviour to try to avoid “setting off” the abuser—this is called hypervigilance .

Tip: Note the importance of trusting your instincts: If something feels unsafe or consistently stressful, it may be a sign of emotional or psychological abuse.

Fact: Research shows that this phase can cause long-term anxiety and health issues even before physical violence occurs.

Incident (Explosion)

This is the moment when the abusive behaviour occurs. The abuse may be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or financial. The abuser may lash out through violence, threats, insults, or other controlling actions. The victim experiences harm, fear, and pain during this phase.

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Abuse can be verbal, emotional, sexual, financial, or spiritual—not just physical. Many people dismiss abuse if it doesn’t leave a visible injury.

Victims may freeze or comply during this phase, which is a normal trauma response—not a sign of weakness.

Tip: Encourage victims to document incidents (dates, details, witnesses) if safe to do so. This can be important for legal or safety planning purposes later.

Fact: Most domestic violence-related homicides occur during or shortly after this phase—this is often the most dangerous time.

Honeymoon Phase (Reconciliation)

After the abusive incident, the abuser often tries to make amends. They may apologize, promise that it won’t happen again, or act lovingly and caring. This phase can give the victim hope that the abuse will stop and that the relationship can improve. The calm and kindness during this period may make the victim reluctant to leave, believing change is possible.

Unfortunately, without intervention or support, the cycle usually starts again with tension building, leading to repeated abuse over time.

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The abuser may give gifts, make promises, or blame external factors (e.g. stress, alcohol, childhood trauma) for their actions.

Victims may feel hopeful, guilty, or responsible during this time, which can make it very hard to leave.

Tip: Emphasize that change takes consistent action, not just apologies . True accountability involves seeking help, changing behaviour, and respecting boundaries.

Fact: Over time, this phase often shortens or disappears altogether, while the abuse becomes more frequent and severe.

Risk and Safety Assessments

Risk assessments help determine the threat level of risk and repeated violence.

Answers: How likely is it that this person will be seriously harmed?

Safety assessment and planning empower survivors to make informed decisions and stay as safe as possible.

Answers: What can be done to reduce danger and improve safety right now and in the future?

Do They Overlap?

Yes, risk assessment and safety planning often overlap and inform each other. For example, a high score on a risk assessment tool can indicate an elevated threat of serious harm or lethality, prompting the need for more intensive and immediate safety planning. Effective safety plans are typically developed after a clear understanding of the specific risks a survivor is facing. By identifying these risks, professionals can tailor safety strategies to address the survivor’s unique situation, making both processes essential and interconnected in supporting survivors of IPV and domestic violence.

How Victim Services Help with Risk Assessments and Safety Planning?

1. Conducting Risk Assessments

Through a survivor-centered approach, victim support workers assist victims and survivors by using confidential tools to help determine their level of risk. This process is carried out with empathy, respect, and at a pace that honors the survivor’s comfort and readiness.

2. Facilitating Safe Assessments and Safety Plans

Victim support workers play an essential role in assisting with safety assessments and developing individualized safety plans. This involves balancing the survivor’s own perspective of their situation with the level of risk observed through professional assessment. The goal is to honor the survivor’s boundaries and lived experience while also providing informed guidance to enhance their safety. By working collaboratively and respectfully, support workers help survivors create realistic strategies that prioritize both empowerment and protection.

The Cycle of Abuse in Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)

Many abusive relationships follow a recurring pattern known as the Cycle of Abuse, first introduced by psychologist Dr. Lenore Walker. This model helps illustrate how abuse is not a one-time event, but part of an ongoing, manipulative dynamic that can escalate over time. While originally described in three phases, many professionals use a four-phase model for greater clarity.

Tension Building

This phase marks the buildup of stress, conflict, and emotional strain. The abuser may become increasingly irritable, controlling, or critical, and the victim often tries to prevent escalation by adjusting their behavior.

Communication breaks down; small conflicts may escalate.
The abuser may show jealousy, irritability, or unpredictable moods.
The victim may feel anxious, fearful, or hypervigilant—often described as “walking on eggshells.”
This phase can last hours, days, or even longer.

Incident of Abuse (Acute Explosion)

Tension erupts into a clear abusive episode. This can include physical violence, verbal or emotional abuse, sexual assault, property destruction, or other coercive behavior.

This is often the most dangerous phase.
The abuser may lash out physically, emotionally, sexually, or psychologically.
The victim may feel shocked, trapped, or in immediate danger.
Law enforcement or emergency services may become involved.

Reconciliation Phase (Honeymoon Phase)

Following the abuse, the abuser may express remorse or attempt to regain control through apologies, affection, or promises of change. This can create confusion or false hope for the victim.

The abuser may apologize, cry, buy gifts, or make promises.
They might blame external factors (e.g., stress, alcohol) or minimize the abuse.
The victim may feel relieved or hopeful, especially if isolation has made the abuser their main support.

Calm Phase

The relationship appears to return to “normal.” The abuse is often downplayed, forgotten, or denied by both parties. However, the underlying power imbalance and lack of accountability often remain.

The abuser may act as though nothing happened.
The victim may start to question or rationalize the abuse.
There may be no immediate signs of conflict, but the cycle is likely to begin again unless there is meaningful intervention.

Over time, this cycle can intensify. The calm and honeymoon phases may shorten or disappear altogether, while the abuse becomes more frequent or severe. Recognizing these patterns is essential for safety planning, survivor support, and effective intervention.

Power and Control in Intimate Partner Violence

The Power and Control Wheel is a widely used framework that helps explain how abuse operates in relationships. While abuse often includes physical violence, it is sustained through a broader pattern of coercive tactics designed to dominate, isolate, and control the victim. These tactics can look different depending on the survivor’s background and situation. Below, we outline the eight core categories of abuse, along with expanded examples that reflect the additional risks and vulnerabilities faced by survivors who are immigrants, refugees, racialized individuals, or people who have experienced human trafficking.

1. Using Intimidation
Intimidation is used to instill fear and establish dominance. It may involve physical gestures, threats, or destruction of property. The goal is to make the victim feel unsafe and powerless.

Using threatening looks, gestures, or physical posturing.

Breaking objects or destroying property to show control.

Displaying weapons or talking about violence as a warning.

Threatening to involve immigration enforcement or child welfare to create fear of state systems.

Using constant surveillance or tracking to make the victim feel watched and trapped.

Telling racialized survivors that police or legal systems won’t believe them because of their background.
2. Using Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse aims to undermine the survivor’s confidence and self-worth. It often includes manipulation, name-calling, and blame-shifting, creating long-term psychological harm.

Calling the victim names, putting them down, or belittling their identity.

Gaslighting: making them doubt their memories or perceptions.

Blaming the victim for the abuse or accusing them of being too sensitive.

Telling immigrant or refugee survivors they are “lucky” to be here or that they’ll never survive on their own.

Exploiting cultural or religious beliefs to shame the victim.

Mocking the victim’s accent, skin colour, or traditions to make them feel inferior.
3. Using Isolation
Isolation prevents the victim from accessing support, increasing their dependence on the abuser. It often involves controlling who they see, where they go, and what they do.

Limiting or monitoring contact with family, friends, or community.

Preventing the victim from learning the local language or getting an education.

Moving the victim to unfamiliar places to disconnect them from support.

For immigrants or refugees, withholding important documents or refusing to let them access legal or immigration help.

Preventing participation in cultural or religious events to cut off identity-based support.
4. Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming
This tactic is used to avoid accountability and confuse the victim. The abuser may downplay the abuse, deny it happened, or suggest the victim caused it.

Saying the abuse “wasn’t that bad” or that the victim is exaggerating.

Denying the abusive incidents entirely or rewriting what happened.

Blaming stress, alcohol, or outside circumstances for the violence.

Claiming cultural norms justify the abuse or that the victim is being disloyal by speaking up.

In cases of trafficking, saying the victim “chose” the situation or deserved it.
5. Using Children
Children can be used as tools of manipulation and control. Abusers may threaten to take the children away or interfere with parenting as a means to control the victim.

Threatening to call child protective services as a weapon.

Undermining the victim’s authority in front of the children.

Using children to pass messages or spy on the victim.

Threatening to revoke sponsorship or custody rights in immigration contexts.

Telling racialized parents they will lose their children because “people like you” are targeted by the system.
6. Using Gender Roles or Privilege
Abusers may use societal or cultural gender roles to justify control, positioning themselves as the decision-maker or “head of the household.” This includes using religion or tradition as a weapon.

Making all the big decisions without the victim’s input.

Treating the victim as a servant or property.

Using traditional or religious gender expectations to demand submission.

For survivors from cultures with strict gender norms, enforcing those norms under threat of punishment or community rejection.

Claiming “as a man” they have a right to control the relationship.
7. Using Economic Abuse
Controlling money and access to resources is a powerful way to trap victims in abusive relationships. This form of abuse often prevents survivors from becoming financially independent.

Preventing the victim from working or attending school.

Controlling access to bank accounts, credit cards, or personal income.

For trafficking survivors, confiscating earnings or forcing unpaid labour.

Refusing to send remittances or support family abroad unless the victim complies.

Tying financial security to immigration status or sponsorship to create dependency.
8. Using Coercion and Threats
Abusers often use threats to maintain control and keep the victim silent. These threats can involve physical harm, legal consequences, or exposure.

Threatening to harm the victim, their children, or loved ones.

Pressuring the victim into illegal activities or sexual acts.

For trafficked individuals, threatening to expose them publicly or online.

Telling immigrants or refugees they’ll be deported or lose their status if they leave or report the abuse.

Using threats of racial or religious discrimination to scare the victim away from seeking help.

Why This Matters

The tactics used to gain and maintain power in abusive relationships are not always visible. Survivors who are racialized, trafficked, or living with precarious immigration status often face additional, compounded risks—both from their abuser and from systemic barriers to safety and justice. Acknowledging these realities is essential to providing meaningful, inclusive, and trauma-informed support.